Saved From the Hell: The Gamer’s Middle Finger Goes Back to High School

Welcome back, boys and girls.  In this week’s edition of The Gamer’s Middle Finger, we’re going back to where it all began for each of us.  No, not the backseat of your dad’s Mustang.  I’m talking high school.  Dante wrote in his Divine Comedy, “Abandon hope all ye who enter here”.   It was the supposed inscription at the entrance to Hell.  In addition to hell, this warning would have also been appropriate for high school, Wal-Mart, the Department of Motor Vehicles, online user agreements, and Oakland Raider home games.

By: Steve “DoomStew”

 

 

 

High school is a seemingly never-ending labyrinth of cliques, home work, rejection, and pimples.  Luckily for me, I didn’t really have any problems with pimples.  Unluckily for me, it takes more than clear to skin to ensure smooth sailing through the High School Straits.  I’m pretty sure I’m the old man here at The Gamer’s Thumb, checking in at 32 years of age.  At the time I was going through high school, really thin lenses on eyeglasses were still prohibitively expensive.  As a result, my glasses were so thick I could see into the future.  Good old thick eyeglasses, or as I like to refer to them, “Sex Stoppers”.   (Memo to any parents reading this:  Get your kids contact lenses right now!!!  Stop reading and go!)

Now all things considered, my high school experience wasn’t too bad.  Sure I was a nerd, but I was a 6’ 3”, 195 lb nerd.  Would-be bullies left me alone.  Additionally, I tried to treat everyone with respect and tried to be a well-rounded individual.  The nerds were ok with me because I loved Dungeons and Dragons, Rifts, and video games.  The jocks were ok with me because I loved sports.  The cheerleaders liked me because I was not threatening, and they all assumed I was gay.  (Quick note:  Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)  Metallica was/is my favorite band, so that meant I was alright with the metalheads.  I loved to hunt and fish, so I got along with the rednecks as well.  I was a less-wealthy, more- nerdy version of Ferris Bueller.  My reward for generating good will amongst my peers was being voted “Most Likely to Succeed”, which is basically like the Madden Cover Curse.  The moment I received that award, my future as a government worker making $33,000/year was cemented.

To any young person reading this, I can’t stress enough that you should have multiple interests.  Don’t let anyone pigeonhole you into being just a nerd, or just a jock.  You don’t want to be just Screech or just Slater.  You want to be Zack Morris.  The more interests and subjects you can talk about, the more settings you can walk into and be totally comfortable.  People will tell you life is about making connections.  Your interests ARE the connections.  This will pay dividends in high school as well as the real world, because what no one ever tells you is that high school is EXACTLY like the real world.

 

 

Your future workplace will be no different than your homeroom at school.  The same personalities you dealt with in algebra class are the same ones in the cubicle next to you.  They just grow into stronger, more powerful versions of their younger selves.

My point is that you never really leave high school (kinda like hell) so you might as well learn to make the best of it.  Don’t be the annoying guy in message board forums who gets angry if someone spells Aeris incorrectly.  Have a sense of humor.  Laugh at yourself.  Go outside your comfort zone.  Learn what it means to be a Renaissance Man.

THIS WEEK’S FAST FINGERS

CHICK FIL-A.  So Chick Fil-A has released a new spicy chicken sandwich.  The sandwich gets two thumbs up, and Chick Fil-A gets a middle finger for developing yet another reason why I can’t stay out of their restaurants.

CHAD OCHOCINCO’S BREAKFAST CEREAL. Talk about a wrong number.  Chad Ochocinco’s breakfast cereal had a phone number on the back of the box.  The number was supposed to be for the charity, Feed the Children.  It turned out to be phone a sex line.  I can’t decide the best name for Chad’s cereal between Porn Flakes, CheeryHo’s, or Cocoa’s Puffs.

Your input is welcome on any topic.  Email me at thegamersmiddlefinger@yahoo.com.  You can also follow me on Twitter, @thegamersmf.